When I was a teen I used to babbled about Rothschild family.
You know, they were my special interests.
So one day I was seating in the train that going from Moscow to Ivanovo and talking nonstop about Rothschilds with my grandpa.
The old lady, (she was sitting in front of me) Interrupted me.
– Oh, what a smart cutty little girl! – she said,- probably you are an excellent student?
You know, she used that sweeeet nasty voice that adults usually use when they talk to babies? But the baby – I mean, me – was a TEEN!
And after that she did something even more disgusting.
– You know, – she said to me. – These Rothschilds are Jews. So they control all governments. In general, Jews are to blame for all the problems of the world. Jews are parasites.
I was really exhausted. I had a strong sensory overload. Only Rothschilds babbling could help me.
But when this women said that “Jew are parasites” I started yelling at her. It was something like:
– How your dare, how your dare, how you dare! My dad is half-Jewish! No, I’m JEWISH! I’m Jewish!
And after that…
The lady looked at me like I had turned into a monster. She just ran away at the other end of the train, far away from us.
And then I had a real meltdown.
I was crying. I was stimming. I was screaming. Screaming some absurd phrases…. something about NLP… something about adults who were using me, manipulating me all the time.
– Just get away from me! All of you!
I hardly understood what was flying out of my mouth after I had a meltdown.
I was so scared!
I was so scared that I was a “parasite” for most Russian people, and I hated myself for not being able to change public opinion. Hated myself for the fact that I’m not such powerful like my favorite Rothschilds!
And I blamed myself for my “excessive emotionality.”
– She just has hysteria! She is a psycho!
That was said by this woman who considered me a parasite.
– Behave yourself! You are really like a psiycho.
And that was said by my own grandmother.
Even my grandpa — my best friend — began to blame me for my meltdown.
And I blamed myself too. Many, many months after this case.
But now I don’t blame myself.
I’m just angry. I get angry whenever I remember this incident. I am still angry after all these years.
It wasn’t the only one incident when strangers called me a “parasite” because I’m Jewish. Just the first.
But this particular case made me thinking about how often ableism, ageism and anti-semitism (and racism) can be inseparable.