Autism, culture

Autistic children and be here and now

(Abu Hamza in the mall)

Do you know these stereotypes about autistic kids who spend time in “their own world”? These children who became fixated on some weird stuff like leaves, flying dust particles, a candle flame, a stream of water, a corner of a table?

Actually these children are very often here and now more than these neurotypical adults could even imagine.

Because these children could fully concentrate on their own body and the world around them, and their neurotypical parents or siblings need to have years and years of meditation and grounding practice experience to be able to do something like that.

Moreover, even if we are speaking about ordinary Autistic child or even daydreaming Autistic kid who is part of the System and certainly have problems with grounding and mindfulness, this child is “here and now” on the same level as their parents. Because most neurotypical people live in a world of culture stereotypes and social judgment that is no more real than the inner world or daydreaming world.

-Abu Hamza.

#mindfulness #did #osdd #osddsystem #osdd1b #multiplesclerosis #meditation #ptsd #autism #actuallyautistic #autisticpride #neurodivergent #neurodiversity

Ageism, Autism, culture, Disability, multiple life, queer

The story of our life

About story:

This is a story about our life with Dissociative identity disorder, the story about re-birth and acceptance.

This week Ayman and Abu Hamza shared our life story with guys who visited the Sheffield storytelling event The Story Forge. So, this is a life story of our System, the story about how our altars were born and how we find out that we are Multiple.

Activism, Autism, culture, Disability, England, multiple life, refugee, Russia

It’s a photo from Migration Matter Festival and it was amazing experience but post would be about DID stuff like always.

Well, maybe a little bit about refugee life.

We are so fed up that DID/OSDD is a “rare” and “unusual” condition for most of the doctors.

We were so happy that even ordinary nurses in the UK knew more about Autism than the best psychiatrists in Russia or Ukraine and so we shouldn’t be teachers and “lab dogs” for our doctors…

Because yeah, in Russia many times we have to tell our doctors about Autism and we know much more than them…

And after that, when we finally started to relax and trust specialists… yeah, we find out that they have no idea how common DID is, many of them think that alters “just a mood” or that they could “just disappear” or “not real people”. Or that they believe that I could control switching and could always predict my alter’s behavior.

Or other weird stuff like that.

Ok, yeah, UK medical system is still much-much better than Russian or Ukrainian. But I am tired of helping specialists to do their work when it’s me who needs help from them.

And I couldn’t get it: I mean, if you are working with mental health stuff, some weird, unusual and poorly understood condition SHOULD be interesting for you, isn’t it? This is what a proper doctor/scientist should have, this kind of deep curiosity to unknown stuff in their field. Why do I have it and they do not?

-I don’t know who was writing this post, but I think I’m Abu Hamza

#dissociativeidentitydisorder #didalters #didproblems #osdd #osddsystem #osdd1b #multiplepersonalities #actuallyautistic #nhs #autism #neurodiversity

Autism, Disability, multiple life

Why people afraid to learn about DID?/ SWITCHING CAUGHT ON CAMERA. Dissociative identity disorder

Recently we found out that really famous Autistic person and self advocate Donna Williams was Plural.

Well, not Donna. At the end of her life she called herself Polly. People ignored it too.

Her books about autism are popular even in Russia.

She was one of the people that created the Autistic community…

And… and when she was diagnosed with DID people just ignored it.

Her plural experience was completely erased even for her fans.

And after that we realized that society not just “doesn’t see plural people”

They prefer to ignore us, sometimes they are scared to believe that Multiple experiences are so common.

This is a video about why it happened. We people prefer to gaslight us.

At least for our opinion.

P.S. In 17 minutes you could see how we switched to our Little, Mowgli. He is Autistic 4 years old boy and he is really cute. We left all his speaking about kittens 🐱



1.Polly’s (aka Donna Williams) blog about Plural life


2.Polly’s video about DID (she have several of them on her channel):

3.Polly’s role in creating Autistic community:

Activism, Autism, multiple life

Just my selfi

Hi. You know that now we have extremely difficult times and couldn’t manage our life properly. It was several suci*dal attempts, new host, new split, some dormation and some stuff that I even scared to think about.
Until we are waiting for additional therapy this is what you could do to help us of you really like our work:
1. Agree to be a beta-reader for one of our books (young adult/children novels + one dystopia). Or just read it. Speaking about it made us feel better
2. If you could buy us an Amazon card or send some money it would be nice. Some little stuff could make the mood better.
3. Gave some advices and links to specialist who knew what to do with religious trauma and abusive alters
4. Just write some nice stuff from “you are deserving to live” to what you like in our work. Or even like this message
#actuallyautistic #did #multiplesystem #autism #autismacceptance #osdd #osddsystem #osdd1b

Autism, Parents

Dear “Autism parents”.

You are not giving birth to Autism.

You give birth to a child. An Autistic child.

And Autism is their experience, their identity and their condition.

It’s not about you.

And even Autistic parenting is not about you. It’s about parents who is Autistic themselfs. These parents exist, even if their experiences are erased.

This stuff about “Autism parenting” is one of the reasons why Autistic parenting, real Autistic parenting is erased.

And why some folks believe that paaaarents know more than actually Autistic people – I mean in our culture around Autism, Autism is so often about parents.

But if you want your kids to be happy, to be heard and to be taken seriously you need to stop this.

You need to accept that Autistic identity is not your identity to take.

It’s like… If you are not a doctor you are not a “medicine parent”. You are a parent of a medical worker.

If you are not a woman but have a daughter you are not “the girl parent”. You are a father who happened to have a girl as a child.

So you are not Autism parent.

You are a parent of an Autistic kid.


-Ayman, Ver.B.A., Lil.

#actuallyautistic #autism #autismawareness #autisticacceptance #autistic #autisticproblems #ableism


A little bit about special interests.

I was telling my doctor about ISIS during my autism diagnostic procedure.

How not to tell if this is stuff that I’m thinking about most of the time, that I’m writing, listening and reading about?

And well, if she asked questions in many ways about it.

It was like:

“Are you collecting something?”

“Yeah” *I show her photo with my books about IS and explain the order*

“Do you have deep interests in something?”

“Yeah, Middle Eastern politics, Islamic State, Contr-terrorism, stuff like that”

“Do you have any friends? Tell about them”

“Yeah, they are all Autistic. Well, one of them is thinking that he is not, but he is interested in Islamic State stuff from 2014, and read everything about it that he could found in Russian, and we are speaking about ISIS”

“Do you have problems now?”

“Yeah, when people here think that they need to say something nice about Russia to me… it’s like if they try to say something nice about IS to a yazidi”

Stuff like that. Surprisingly, the doctor was OK with it.

In Russia for such things people considered me a terrorist-supporter. (Don’t know WTF)

And I feel sooo better after I realized that I could safely speak about my special interests, and could mention it just like that.

So, yeah, please, stop shaming people for their interests.

Even if these interests are weird.

(On photo: me with my “weekly reading chose. One book: “black flags of Caribbean” by Cotte is about IS. Another, “concrete rose” by Angie Thomas is YA fiction about a black boy – not about IS. But I used to read something about Middle East every week)

#jihadistudies #did #autism #osdd #actuallyautistic #autismawareness #autismacceptance #autistic #autisticadult

Activism, Autism

Official Autism diagnosis

Yesterday I finally got an Autistic diagnosis.

Was it a relief?

Yeah, definitely! Not because I don’t know that I’m Autistic, but because I wanted an official diagnosis for 7 long years. At first to find out who I am, after that to prove to my parents and people around me that I’m right.

In Russia and Ukraine it is extremely difficult (and expensive) for a person to get an official Autistic diagnosis. Especially for an adult person because I think nearly 90% of specialists believe that Autism in adulthood is Schizophrenia.

And some of the rest believe that Autism is an intellectual disability or means that a person couldn’t speak.

So I have kind of oral confirmation of the diagnosis from different specialists in post-USSR, and they don’t have opportunities or don’t believe that they could write some papers. All of them, as far as I know, have this kind of Western education/qualification courses.

Well, this is what you need to know about “free” USSR medicine and education!

But now I would have it. My papers. My diagnosis. My Autistic status/case was so obvious for specialists that the process took less time than it usually takes.

And what I want to say now to all this trolls and “Autism paaaarents” who are telling everyone that I’m faking?

And who pushed every Autistic person to take an official diagnosis?

Actually, nothing. Yeah, this diagnosis is metter for me because I badly wanted to have it long ago and because it could help in some legal procedures. And because I want to be officially disabled – not because of money, but because I don’t want to feel hypocritical by telling other people that being disabled is normal stuff but don’t get a disability status for myself.

But does diagnosis help me to understand who I am? Does it give me more rights to speak about my experience?

No, I don’t need neurotypical approval to understand who I am, or speaking about my experience. And other Autistic people help me more than doctors.

Also now, when I have all papers, I wouldn’t ever speak like it means more than self-diagnosis or push other people to diagnose themselves. I know that this is a privilege that I have only now, and many folks still don’t have it. And I wouldn’t use this privilege against my Autistic folks.

(Selfi: Me (and Abu Hamza and Ver.B.A. Is near) in a gray coat)